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Midwives of a belated spring

Spring has come late in Denmark, this year. In fact, winter didn’t arrive fully until March and then lasted for more than a month. Brrr…but now Spring is finally here and in full bloom – Hallelujah!

Time for picnics with tea and cake on the meadow; for trips to the forest and beach again. Time for picking delicately blossoming apple tree branches to put on the dining table, time for long, sun-filled evenings watching the sun slowly set behind blossoming Mirabelle trees. Lovely times ahead, indeed and yet, there’s a bit melancholy inside at the moment.

I didn’t win in the Hay House contest. But didn’t take it that hard; I was aware of how it wasn’t likely that I would. Strangely enough, it felt fine getting my book back in my own hands again. I’ve already had some ideas for improving it. It was a blessing in disguise, I guess: the book simply wasn’t done. All for the best, then. It seems that there’s no way of avoiding finding ways to get it edited and published (marketed) myself.

This is a “place” where I’ve often stopped in the past; right before a possible breakthrough, after an experience of what I’ve felt was a “NO, thank you” from the world to me and what I have to offer. Sigh, time for more growth. Thank goodness, I have much-appreciated help from the calming and clever coach and EFT-practitioner Catherine Callender, her website is www.authenticitycoachinglondon.com.  

And luckily, I’ve discovered a few additional “midwives” in this process, which, besides hopefully birthing the book, is actually the birthing of my authentic self. Recently, the work of Bethany Webster came to my attention and more pieces of the puzzle of exactly why and how I have limited, stopped and kept myself small, fell into place. She coaches women on how to heal what she has named; “the mother wound” and writes marvelously articulate, clear, intelligent and deeply wise articles. Highly recommend visiting www.bethanywebster.com; there are many AHA-moments and valuable insights to gain from her work. Another find is actually one of Bethany’s best friends; Toko-pa Turner, who is an amazing Author, Dreamworker and Mystic. See www.toko-pa.com – yet another wise woman; I really resonate with her work, too. Her new book: “Belonging” is so rich, poetic and well-written. Toko-pa has an online dream school (with a Jungian approach), and loves Rumi poetry and Sufism. Toko-pa apparently means “Parent of the Mist” in Maori:)

So grateful for discovering the work of these two wonderful ladies! Wise women en masse have emerged online these last years; apparently answering to what seems to be a call to women on a collective level. A call which I, in my own humble way have answered, as well.

Profound guidance can be hard to come by and is warmly welcomed in my life, where I’ve felt stuck in a place or perhaps a state of being, for a while. A state of resignation or occasionally and at worst; hopelessness.

Stagnation or protectively cocooned?

My “small way of living” feels safe but also rather unfulfilling and, to be honest, often lonely. I even started to feel resentment towards my otherwise lovely house (which I’ve had for sale for a few years). Like it was all this house and this, in fact cozy, village’s fault. Not feeling like I belong here; feeling trapped in old circumstances. Suddenly, I could clearly see how my surroundings in peculiar and yet quite obvious ways resemble my early childhood environment (even the street name is so similar!). What some would call karma or simply me trying to work through some unfinished developmental issues from back then, no doubt.

Then the other morning it suddenly dawned on me; what if I’m not actually stuck? What if I’m being protected and this place serves as a sort of cocoon, while I slowly regain physical strength and build enough psychological muscles to move forward? Sheltering me lovingly while I gain the maturity and power to do something new and totally unknown to my (formerly so) scared inner child and my tired body, who both, right now are having much needed time, space and peace to rest, recuperate and grow.  

Shifting my perception in this way has given me much more peace of mind.

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