The long journey home

 I ponder a lot about the concept “home” these days. To own a home or more precisely; to feel at home.

There’s this tv documentary series running on danish television at the moment. We follow a homeless man Henning and his cute dog companion Felix, biking all around Denmark in summer. He meets all kinds of people on his journey. Along the way, he sleeps outside in nature or in hospitable people’s gardens, spare rooms or barns.

People are all around very kind and generous, it’s just so life-affirming to see!  I envy him for his easygoing, extroverted ability to connect immediately with the many strangers he meets (an ability I wish I had a little more of..)  Not 100% sure about the backstory for his homelessness; but something like buying a house with hidden damages or defects, some years back. This sadly threw him into financial and emotional crises; and so a downward spiral unfortunately began. But the experience has made him stronger, freer and wiser, he says.  

Buying a house was also once my idea of how to get my own private safe spot of belonging in the world. To acquire something outside myself, in an attempt at patching up something missing on the inside. Turns out it was not quite that simple. But don’t we humans just do this kind of “patching up” all the time?

The thing is, it’s seldom only, like in this case, about owning a comfortable house.

For some, it’s more about displaying a shining monument of success in society or a facade of conformity. For others (myself included) it’s more the notion of possessing a place of safety, warmth, nurturance and serenity. A place to play, rest and recuperate. And not least; a profound sense of fitting in and belonging, loving what you do and the people around you, in tune and aligned with your surroundings. Basically: being your true self, completely at ease in the world as well as in your own skin.

That must be the ultimate way of feeling at home, I think!
For most of us this blissful state of being was lost somewhere in early childhood: way back when all your traits and aspects were still joined together in a harmonious synthesis, feeling happy, natural and whole. Before you slowly gave up bits and pieces of yourself here and there, sometimes essential parts, in order to fit into/survive in family and society.

It seems to be a very long and winding road to get back to that state of being. With a lot of delays, detours and dead ends. It has been for me, anyway. It must be as long/far away as how far you’ve been led astray from yourself or maybe unknowingly have led yourself astray.

I do appreciate my current cozy home in lots of ways. And I’m closer than ever before to my desired sense of being Home. But the feeling of belonging completely is still somewhat missing.

I hope my true Home will soon appear.

Doesn’t matter if it’s unassuming or simple, like this adorable little house, as long as that warm fuzzy feeling inside is in place:)

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