On bullies and boundaries

Dangers of delusional leaders and the tragedy of trauma.

What’s happening right now in Ukraine is frightening and heartbreaking.

I am normally not particularly interested in politics, but this war is so shocking and horrible (like all wars are, of course). As I tend to do, I’ll try and look deeper, into possible root causes behind what’s going on.

Sometimes, an external situation mirrors or correlates to what many are grappling with on an individual level. In this case, what comes to mind is the importance of boundary work and standing strong in one’s sovereignty when faced with adversity or simply a bully.

Thinking of history, this is likely more complicated than mere greed or abuse of power. But in my view, it reveals, painfully clear, how toxic, passed down societal power structures combined with a narcissistically wounded/emotionally crippled man with an impenetrable ego defense, who possesses way too much power and on top of that looks through an old, distorted trauma lens, once again turns out a deadly destructive combination.

A dictator is one who feels entitled to claim the land, possessions, resources, energy, focus, time, life-force; potentially even lives, of other human beings, for whatever “valid” reasons he has fostered in his delusional mind. And he is no more than a bully, plain and simple, no matter the scale of the stage on which the drama unfolds. Much like a toddler, unaware of any underlying trauma (e.g. an unacknowledged deep sense of shame, inferiority or despair), driving him to fits of rage and making crazy demands.

When adults act this way, it is called arrested development. Which (to a lesser degree) is a pretty common occurrence. I’ve dealt with my own version, having to, late in life, process buried, highly charged, emotions stuck/stored at an early age when it must have been too much to handle.

This can be quite painful, but it’s the only way to heal and not just keep projecting the wound outward, playing it out with others as involuntary extras.

My heartfelt wish for all of the polarized people on this traumatized planet is that the light of awareness will spread fast as wildfire so that the whole world becomes trauma-informed with governments that understand the impact of it, how it thwarts healthy human development and affects how we perceive life situations, often causing traumatic re-enactments over and over.

May the good people of Russia see that light, soon, and muster up the courage and find the means to remove or disempower misdirected authority.

May all world leaders one day be worthy of their title, aware and wise enough to finally understand and honor the truth of what immense imprint trauma makes and finally create the safe space necessary for healing, however slow healing comes.

And may we all be able to dethrone tyrants wherever they reside: be it in broad daylight in the outside world or in a shadowed corner of our own consciousness.

About Mona

Author, artist & blogger
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