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From reluctant to wholehearted

I want to share some thoughts about finding and deciding to follow my wholehearted YES from within, instead of the usual, well-known, safe but lukewarm and reluctant yes, that I had gotten used to (because you have to be responsible and sensible, right?). Or just saying no habitually/straight away, because I was so scared of getting myself into something that I felt I couldn’t easily get out of again. This heart-centered decision-making is still new to me and at times still shaky, since I honestly don’t have that much practice in acting from my heart, and I had to search my soul for years, to figure out what that even means to me. It has been especially challenging regarding work-related issues. Or come to think of it; actually, most choices that involved other people with their own preferences/agendas (which you as a highly sensitive are perfectly aware of..).

It is just that the safe, but not genuinely fitting, was slowly draining the “life juices” out of me. In addition, my limiting beliefs, low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence were only allowing me to set the bar awfully low when it came to believing in alternative possibilities for myself.

We so often let our mind/ego tell us which decisions to make, and it always has a ton of (old) words of warning to keep us protected and out of any danger (bless it, at least for its good intentions..). Initially well-intended but fear-based voices from the past, often end up being the key thing holding you stuck in places that are slowly draining the life out of you if you keep listening to them!

For us sensitive, intuitive and artistic creatures; we just can’t thrive in jobs that don’t speak to our hearts or has some shred of personal meaning to us, I think…. not in the long run, anyway. So I won’t listen to those voices anymore. I have to carve my own path, to follow my particular interests, values and sense of meaning in life. Because if I don’t and just continue to keep it safe, then I’m going to wither inside (dramatic as it might sound). This dilemma is probably familiar to anybody with highly sensitive traits and a passionate heart. 
I wonder what difference it would make if they taught us in childhood to trust our intuition and gut-feeling since this is where the truest answer always shows up: we feel it in our body responses in the moment of choice. For example, a sinking, heavy feeling in your chest (heavy heart) or to feel a knot in your stomach means; thanks, but NO thanks… while your true YES feels light, uplifting, expansive and ignites you.

My journey towards wholeheartedness has been long and winding, with a lot of pitfalls and setbacks. From feeling like a helpless victim of whatever my surroundings wanted me to do; to increasing awareness, a slowly growing self-acceptance and finally having built a strong enough sense of personal power and self-love to steer my life in a direction of my own choosing.

Now, I have to learn to trust in this new heart-driven motivation. I assume it must be like building any muscle: it’ll get stronger the more you practice!

About Mona

Author, artist & blogger
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